Prayer guides
How to Pray for Someone Who Has Died
Begin praying for a deceased loved one with the Eternal Rest prayer, a simple personal intention, and ways to join the prayer of the Church.
After someone dies, you may want to pray for them but find that familiar words are hard to reach. Or years may have passed, and a photograph, anniversary or ordinary memory brings their name to mind again.
You can begin by naming that person before God and asking for mercy and peace. A short prayer gives you somewhere to start; you do not need a long speech or a particular feeling before you pray.
Why do Catholics pray for the dead?
The Catechism teaches that people who die in God’s friendship, yet still need purification, are assured of salvation and undergo a final purification before entering heaven. It calls this purgatory and distinguishes it from the punishment of the damned. The Church’s prayer for the dead, especially in the Eucharist, belongs within this teaching. Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1030–1032
This gives prayer a hopeful direction. You entrust the person to God rather than trying to determine their eternal state yourself. You can ask for forgiveness, purification and the joy of God’s presence without claiming to know everything about their life or their relationship with him.
That request is different from asking a saint to intercede for you. Here, you are addressing God on behalf of the person who has died.
A short prayer you can use now
The traditional Eternal Rest prayer is a simple starting point:
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. Amen.
This wording is provided by Vatican News. Read it slowly. Before beginning, you can quietly name the person or people you wish to remember.
You can also speak to God in your own words. For example:
Merciful Father, I entrust this person I love to you. Forgive their sins, receive them into your peace, and help those who miss them. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.
The second prayer is an original example for personal use, not a prescribed liturgical text. Adapt it as needed. If you can manage only a name and a request for mercy, start there.
Make room for remembrance without forcing it
You might set aside a short time at home, visit a church, or pray during an anniversary. A photograph or written name can help you focus, but neither is necessary. Choose an ordinary setting in which you can give the prayer some attention.
If several people come to mind, write their names in a private notebook before beginning. Read the names once, then pray for them together. The list is a practical aid, not a requirement to recall every detail correctly.
Some memories may be grateful; others may be painful or unresolved. You do not have to describe the relationship as easier than it was. You can honestly place both the person and your own difficulty before God. If speaking about the relationship would help, a trusted priest or pastoral minister can accompany you in that conversation.
Nor do you need to make yourself feel peaceful by the end of the prayer. A quiet moment can remain a quiet moment, even when you still miss the person afterward.
Join the prayer of the Church
Pope Francis described prayer for the deceased as an expression of gratitude and an entrusting of loved ones to God’s mercy. He also emphasized the Church’s remembrance of the dead at Mass. General audience, 30 November 2016
You can bring the person’s name in your own prayer when you attend Mass. If you would like to request a Mass intention, contact your parish office and ask how its arrangements work. Let the parish explain its process; your personal prayer does not have to wait for an available date.
A familiar devotion can also give your prayer a shape. You might offer a Rosary for the person, using our guide to praying with an intention for others. If you are just learning, the one-decade guide explains a manageable place to begin. Choose a prayer you can follow attentively rather than adding several simply because the occasion feels important.
Remember those who are still grieving
In the same audience, Pope Francis asked that remembrance of the dead also leave room for prayer for the living. You can include those facing the loss, including yourself, in your prayer. General audience, 30 November 2016
Then consider one suitable act of care: check in with someone, offer practical help, or share a kind memory if it would be welcome. Ask what would help rather than assuming everyone wants to talk at the same time or in the same way.
For a simple beginning today, name the person, pray the Eternal Rest, and leave a brief silence. You can return another day. Entrust the person to God’s mercy, and allow that prayer to accompany the care you give to those who remain.